For Sarah

I dedicate this post to my oldest daughter, Sarah, who has a special devotion to the memory of her sisters.

Ten years ago, our family was blessed by the very brief life and sad death of our unborn daughters, Emily and Alexandra. It was not the first time we had experienced the loss of a child through miscarriage but it was the most profound. We grieved deeply, as a family, over the loss of our baby girls. As part of that grieving process, I wrote the following story. I have felt compelled recently to share it in hopes that it might help others who have experienced the loss of a child through miscarriage or stillbirth. It is a child’s story but it comes from the heart of a mother.

Emily's Gift

“Are you sure they will be okay? Emily asked God as she looked up into His gentle face. God squeezed Emily’s hand and assured her that her family on earth would be okay.

“It hurts to see mommy cry so much and I can see the sorrow in my daddy’s heart too, even though he won’t let her see him cry. I know how much you love them, God, but will they ever know?” A tear ran down Emily’s cheek as she softly asked her questions.

God gently lifted her into His arms and held her close. “Emily, I have a very special plan for your Daddy and Mommy and your sisters and brother. You are very much a part of that plan. You see, I want to give them a gift, but they aren’t ready to receive it. I sent you to help prepare them for my gift. Do you understand?”

“No, but I want to understand. Will you tell me more?”

“I know every soul before it is born. I created each and every person who ever has been or ever will be. I named them all. I love each and every one of my children and I want them to be happy. I want to bring them home with me when it is time. Most souls have work to do on earth before they are ready to come home. Some very special souls do their work quickly and come home to my arms soon. Sometimes very soon, like you Emily, before your earthly parents get to meet you face to face. Your work was done before it was time for you to be born in the way other souls are usually born. But, you did your work, just as I planned and wanted you to do.”

“Are they ready for your gift now, Father?”

“Not quite, but almost. You have another sister that you have not yet met. You have visited with Jesse, your sister who came home before you. But you will soon meet another special sister who will be coming home too.”

“You mean they must have another baby come to heaven before they get to meet her? But that is just too hard. My mommy and Daddy’s hearts will break and they will never know how much you love them. Must it be this way?”

“Let me show you, Emily, that it will not break their hearts. I will hurt, for a while, but it will also make them stronger because they will turn to me and seek my help and then they will be ready for my gift to them.”

God turned and swept his hand over Emily’s eyes and suddenly she could see something wonderful. Her family on earth was altogether and her mommy was not crying anymore. They were all happy and their pain was no longer there. In their hearts was a special place that they had saved just for her and Jesse and Alexandra, her sister whom she had not yet met. But there was something else; there was a baby, tiny and delicate. Their pain had been replaced with love. Baby Rachel was the gift that God wanted so much to give them. And Rachel was a gift to Emily also. She knew that God’s plan was perfect and that one day she would be with her family, here, in God’s home.

“Thank you, God, for showing me their future. I know they will be okay. When do I get to meet my other new sister? The one you said would arrive soon?”

“Be patient, my child, all things happen according to my plan. Do you trust me, Emily?”

“Yes, Father, I trust you and I love you.”

What's been happening in our neck of the woods?

There's really no way of catching up on everything but I think it's time to add some of the 'highlights' to my blog - especially since I use it somewhat as a journal for myself.

I have to add a recent visit to my hometown. I was a bit excited to see that as my interest in gardening and home preserving was waning others were picking up the bug. These are folks who know how to do it because they really had no choice in the matter as they were growing up. But I heard talk of their kids (my nieces) deciding it was time to put in a garden next year so they could make sure their kids (my grand nieces and nephews) would have the skills should it ever become necessary. I hear a lot of people talking about having a garden for the first time ever or at least in a very long while.

So, while I was visiting I was very happy to help with a couple things I've never done before; picking grapes and making juice for jelly and stripping corn on the cob for freezing. It sure makes a difference when there are many hands to help with the prep work!

No words...

can describe the feelings of the mother-of-the-bride a week after the wedding. I tend toward melancholy in the aftermath of all special occasions - the anti-climatic affect - and the wedding of our oldest daughter was certainly the most special occasion in our family life since the birth of all our children. It's not a sadness but a natural tendency to cling to the intensity of each and every moment of beauty and love that it brought to us.

All the beloved family and friends have returned to their busy lives and all the trappings of a cherished wedding have been tucked away for now. Time keeps moving ahead, as it always does, and life keeps ushering in that which is next.

I wish I could gather all those people who celebrated with us in my arms and hug them and tell them how much it meant to me that they were here to be witness to those moments in time. I wish I could make time stop for just a brief period so that I could cherish every single moment so much more than possible.

I am so thankful that I can feel that I have not lost a daughter but have gained a son and a really awesome extended family through him.

I thank God for each and every moment, every smile, every tear, every hug, every laugh, every memory that I will forever treasure in my heart. We are truly blessed!!

For those who asked...

Here's the updated list. I sure hope Sarah doesn't check my blog. I know she hadn't for a long time...

Just a note - they are registered at Wal-mart for all their other wish-list items.


three-tiered stand w/two large one medium plate
appetizer plates & plates caddy
small bowl caddy w/two small bowls
petite squares
rectangle platter
bambo snack bowls
bambo square bowl medium or large
base brush
jamaican jerk rub
medium, small square bowls

This is going to be fun :-)

You know I like doing things a little bit different than the rest. This is how the wedding shower invitation reads:

We'll be playing
"Bridal Bunco"

Please bring a package
of toilet paper

This is a couples' shower
So please feel free to bring your
Significant other
(unless it has four legs and pees in the yard)

....

Bridal Bunco - I have lots of ideas about that. Sarah didn't want to play the 'corny' traditional shower games and she wanted to include couples so, of course, I thought immediately about Bunco.

And you know you might be a redneck if your shower invitation has to exclude pets :-)

Do you remember when...

We used to play in the rain?! When I was Rachel's age I couldn't wait for a good hard Spring rain without lightning because it meant I was free to romp and splash and revel in the cool wet gift from heaven! We lived on a corner and there was always a huge hole on the side of the street that transformed into our personal puddle during these times. I was also allowed to stand under the gutter downspouts. This may sound disgusting to some but as a kid growing up without access to a pool and no air conditioning it was truly wonderful.

So, when Rachel was extremely disappointed this weekend because just as we were leaving to go to the pool and the down pour began I told her to stop fussing and 'go play in the rain!'. She looked at me rather strangely at first but when she realized I was serious she was off and runnng (and splashing!)